Friday Funnys

 
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dmck's picture

Posts: 416

Date Joined: 07/03/19

Scary to think these people live among us and can vote

Fri, 2023-03-17 08:11


 
    Case Number One    


I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre.   Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.  I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.  She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.  I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.



Case Number Two
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s.           
They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.  Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Westpac Rescue Helicopter coming towards them.  It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.       
They are no longer employed at Boeing.

                       

 

 

Case Number Three  
A man, wanting to rob a Bank of Queensland, walked into the Branch and wrote 'Put all your muny in this bag.'    While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller,  he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.   So he left the Bank and crossed the street to the NAB Bank.  After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the teller.  She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a NAB deposit slip or go back to Bank of Queensland.   Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left.    He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of Queensland. Happened in Noosa.         

                       

 

 

Case Number Four     

 

 

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.       
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.  He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are over 21.'  The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him.   At this point, the robber took his driver's licence out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.  The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.  The robber then ran from the store with his loot.  The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that she got off the licence. They arrested the robber two hours later.     

                       

 

 

Case Number Five
A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.         
The first one shouted, 'Nobody move!'  When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

                     

 

 

Case Number Six
Seems this bloke wanted some beer pretty badly..       
He decided that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.         
So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window.         
The brick bounced back knocking him unconscious.         
It seems the liquor store window was made of Flexi-Glass...         
The whole event was caught on videotape. Perth WA ...


??? IN FOOD SERVICE:       
My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger.       
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'     
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg..     
Happened in Surfers Paradise !!!



YET ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF ‘NOT TOO BRIGHT’           
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,       
''Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge         
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'         
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'         
Happened in Melbourne ...




AND ANOTHER         
When my husband and I arrived at a car dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.    We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.   As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.   'Hey,'  I announced to the technician, 'its open!'       
His reply, 'I know - I already done that side.'         
This was at the FORD dealership Dubbo. 

Posts: 164

Date Joined: 13/05/16

true story

Sat, 2023-03-18 14:59

 When i was working doing FIFO, two men working for our company were going through security. one had his backpack  being swabed for explosives and he said, i haven't got a bomb in there, to which his mate added, and if he did i know where i would put it. Fedral police came and carted both of them off and had a long discussion with them. Needless to say they missed the flight and were banned for 24 hours and had to explian the the company what had accured, they were in deep Sh%$#T with the boss and lucky to keep their jobs.

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Filletmaster

dmck's picture

Posts: 416

Date Joined: 07/03/19

I worked for a mining Co...

Sun, 2023-03-19 07:37

 ..and often visited remote mine sites.

I had just left site and was going through Townsville airport, still dressed in full site drill (work clothes) covered in company and site names...

The person 'swabbing me' for traces of explosives asked... "have you been in a mine site...??"

I guess they have standard questions they have to ask...

Faulkner Family's picture

Posts: 17925

Date Joined: 11/03/08

Certainly some not so bright

Fri, 2023-03-17 10:26

Certainly some not so bright people about .

Well done ledge . Some good ones there yet again

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RUSS and SANDY. A family that fishes together stays together

Brock O's picture

Posts: 3183

Date Joined: 11/01/08

Best FF so far for

Fri, 2023-03-17 11:19

Best FF so far for sure.

Just watched the vid of the guy playing with the small shark before losing his pinky finger..oouch.