After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.

"Who the hell are you?", demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"

The mysterious man answered, "This isn't your bedroom, and I'm St Peter".

Brian was stunned. "You mean I'm dead?

That can't be, I have so much to live for.

I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back straight away."

St Peter replied, "Yes, you can be reincarnated, but there is a catch.

We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."

Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

"This ain't so bad," he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen. How are you enjoying your first day here?

"It's not so bad," replied Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode."

"You're ovulating," explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before."

"Never," replied Brian.

"Well, just relax and let it happen."

And so he did, and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg popped out from under his tail.

An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had happened to him... ever!!!

The joy kept coming, and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting, "Brian! Wake up, you drunk bastard, You're shitting the bed."

Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.

They put his left leg in - and then the trouble started ...

Two morons named sherbs and shag thought they would try there luck out on ice fishing. They cut there hole in the ice and started but with no success. Pretty soon after this guy came past on a snow mobile and he had a whole bucket of fish on the back of it! Sherbs turns to Shag and says "thats why were not catching any fish, were not trolling" LOL.

One more: The difference between a fairy tale and a fish story is a fairy tale starts with "once apon a time" and a fishing story usally begins with "this aint no bullshit but the other day....."

Spess's fishing jokes for the week.

.......... isn't it Sherbert

:-D

Cool, now i got someone else to cause a shit storm with online...

;-)

Translations:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Cousins
As you are aware I have been at an overseas rehabilitation centre for the past month undergoing treatment for a number of personal issues, including illness as the result of substance use.

As you are aware I have been at an overseas rehabilitation centre for the past month enjoying, what would be for the non-junkie, a complete expenses paid vacation, where I was able to enjoy the relaxation methods provided by the 5-star resort-resembling institution.

.....................................................................
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Cousins
My treatment is an ongoing process, and I have many challenges ahead of me that I need to overcome as part of my recovery to full health.

I am not yet over coke, but my 5 week hiatus from the drug scene and inability to purchase drugs has been enough to convince my supervisors that I am ready to resist the temptation of returning to my previous lifestyle.
.....................................................................

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Cousins
I will continue my treatment in Perth as an outpatient for at least the next four weeks. Part of that treatment will require me from time to time to leave Perth. I will act on the advice of my medical support team.

I will endeavor to resist the temptation of buying drugs in Perth, however if that temptation overwhelms me I shall be required, from time to time, to leave Perth and go on vacation again until I am happy enough to live without drugs.

......................................................................
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Cousins
I look at this very positively and recognise that I have been privileged to have been given this opportunity.

I'm thankful that I am a famous football player, and I don't have to pay for this like everyone else, otherwise I would have remained a junkie my entire life.

.....................................................................
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Cousins
I apologise to the West Coast Eagles Football Club, sponsors, the AFL and the community for my actions.

I apologise for my actions, because I got caught.
.....................................................................

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Cousins
I am sorry that I have disappointed many people who have supported me in the past.

I am also sorry that people who have previously supported me have found out, because I got caught.
.....................................................................

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Cousins
I want to acknowledge the tremendous support I have received from my family, the West Coast Eagles Football Club and many others.

I want to acknowledge the tremendous financial donations provided by the West Coast Eagles Football Club as, not only did they pay for my drug addiction, they have now contributed to the rehabilitation after indulging in said drugs.

.....................................................................
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Cousins
I know that in order to play football again I will have to be accepted back by the players and staff of the West Coast Eagles and the AFL and I’m willing to fulfill any obligations imposed on me.

I hope my team-mates don't get caught like I did. They will blame me.
.....................................................................

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Cousins
At the present time I don’t know when I’ll play again. My priority is to regain my health, my life and my family.

I am yet to decide what is more important, my career or my drug addiction.

.....................................................................
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Cousins
I want to thank the community at large for their support their encouragement and understanding which has assisted me and been very much appreciated

I want to thank the community for inflating my ego and allowing me to understand the large impact my personal life has on this small city.

.....................................................................
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Cousins
I would like everyone, if they can, to respect my privacy whilst I continue treatment and meet the significant challenges that lie ahead.

Finally, please, everyone, fuck off.

Hi all
heading up to the mackerel islands next friday and was wondering if anybody has any pictures of the beach cabins as it's a first time visit, just for curiosities sake.

Thanks

Bob and Mick went out into the river for an all day fish as there were reports of big mullas everywere. As they fished they both noticed a funeral service coming over the near by bridge. Bob takes off his hat and holds it to his heart for the hole duration of the pasing service. Mick turns to Bob and says "gee mate i didnt know you had that in ya to do something like that, bit of respect hey?". Bob replies "well its the least i could do, i was married to her for 30 odd years".

Until next week this was spess's fishing joke time.

Hi All (and Rodrat)
anybody got any tips on the best way to dispatch mackies? I'm off to onslow next week and hope to bag at least one ( my first ) and want to treat it right. Rodrat need not reply LOL

anyone else prying their eyes open praying the game starts soon?we would think being in the carribean that rain wouldnt effect the start of the final let alone any game

Follow the link, this happened on Sunday.... I was out on the same patch of water with my family. Anyone who has kids will feel the same kick in the guts. You can never take too many precautions.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/1/story.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10436392

There are a lot of guests on board today 447, It would be nice to see some more photos and story from around the world.
steve

On this day of remembrance I would like to take a moment and say thank-you to all past and present servicemen who give their all (even paying the ultimate price) to defend our great country.I for one will always have great respect and admiration to those who have set upon being part of the defense or our country and my baby boy will grow up knowing that the rights and freedoms that he enjoys were fought for by many ordinary people who just got the job done.

ONYA ANZACS past and present .... Lest We Forget.

Hope you can hear me Pop!

Just one fisho who appreciates what has been done for this country.

Cheers Ox

Anyone been on this site? worth a look and a tip... its free i didn't do too well last week

www.footytips.com.au

Anyone seen any really good movies that they'd recommend? Got one out the other day called, the departed, sorta gangsta style movie with heaps of twists. Well worth a watch if your headed down the video store or got download quota to spare. :)

Ok boys this is alittle one but a good one i thought was worth putting up! Its one for the wife/girlfriend to read.

Two ladies meet up for a sunday morning coffee while there husbands head off for a fish.
One lady explians that all her man wants to talk about after sex is how good the fishing has been latley! The other lady laughs and says " my husband loves to go fishing and says the same after sex because when he goes out for a fish its the only time someone tells him": GOD THATS A BIG ONE!

Short and sharp, see you next week for spess's joke time.

Hi Guys,
I noticed a pretty severe issue whilst I was away, that being the posting of several large fish kill photos. A lot of us don't have a problem with that, but there are a few that do. To try and remove arguments and fired up opinions from fishwrecked I would like people to continue to share their fish kill photos, but to keep in mind that posting up several photos of big kills in a short period of time doesn't portray a good image to those who oppose fishing. I think the best thing that can be done is to consider posting them slowly over a period of time as it won't flood the site and we still get to see that you are a top angler who has some awesome fishing stories and doesn't mind sharing those moments with the rest of us.
Most of us know that not everyday you go out you end up with fish hauls like the ones that were posted. To the untrained eye and those simply browsing through the photo's who might not be as avid fishermen as most of us, its not a very good look. It allows a perspective that we as anglers are the ones doing the most damage to the system and need to be controlled more in our recreational activities.
Having said that, I would still like you guys to continue posting these photos; fish directly out of the water are always most preferable, but there isn't always a camera available and sometimes remembering the day via what was caught is the best method. All I ask is that you take a little consideration when posting kill photos or numerous amounts of them. In the scheme of things, it could be dangerous for us to do so, even though most of us like seeing them, other people who don't like fishing view this site and will use it as ammunition against us. This message isn't just for one person and it isn't just for this website, its for all of us as anglers who love our hobby and pasttime.
Cheers,
Adam

I was sent these photos via email, thought they were worth a post. Guess you need tough leader hey? They are called tiger fish and these were caught in Mozambique.

Spess"s joke time:
Fishing for a sale a keen country lad applied for a salesman job at tackle store. Infact it was the biggest store in the merto area. The boss asked him "have you ever worked as a salesman before." Yes i was a salesman in the country the lad said> "ill give you a job because i like you young fulla and ill check on you at the end of the day" It was a tuff and strenuous day but finally 5pm come around and over strolled the boss. "how many sales did you make today" only one said the lad. "only one! most of my staff make 20 to 30 a day, how much was the sale?"said the boss pissed off. two hundred thousand dollars said the young guy. "how the hell did you manage that?" said the boss. Well said the lad this guy walked into the shop and i sold him a small hook then a medium hook when a really big fishing hook. Then i sold him a small reel a meduim reel and a masive reel with all the rods to match. Then i asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast so i said you need a boat to do that. So i showed him your latest 7m trailcraft with twin 250hp honda fours on the back and custom fishwrecked stickers down the side and he payed me twice what you payed for it! Then he said that his volkswagon wouldnt pull it so i sold him your brand new v8 landcriuser sahara for twice what you paid for it as well. The boss took three steps back and said "you sold all that to a guy who just wanted a hook?" NO said the lad he come in for a look after buying a box of tampons for his wife at the deli next door and i said to him. WELL YOUR WEEKENDS SHOT MATE YOU MIGHT AS WELL GO FISHING>

Until next week that was spess's joke time!

We drifted several new lumps and didn't get much other then the usual sargent bakers and rock cods and unbelievable, some coral fish on 8/0 hooks!

A few lumps later, we landed a small sambo that put up a decent fight, then a med size ray about 3ft in dia, a monster flat head, black ass an under sized dhuie and two pinkies, one of them pushing 72cm. All in all can't complain, since all were from new spots.

We go bit off a few times on this trip. Deep water blowies? LOL! Hard hits, pull , hookup then nothing. Literally! Marks on leader.

I did have 2 miss happs though - 1) I lost my bait board, forgot to remove it from the bait holder and 2) Left my brass tap fitting at the wash down area when we cleared the hose!

Work to start on delivering Albany’s waterfront vision.

Stage 1 site works will start on Albany’s waterfront project next month after the Western Australian Planning Commission (WAPC) today supported the structure plan for the development.

The structure plan provides a framework to guide the future development of the area, outlining broad infrastructure and land uses.

Planning and Infrastructure Minister Alannah MacTiernan said the approval of the structure plan was now complete, which is a significant milestone for the long awaited project.

“This is great news for the Albany community who have waited more than 20 years for this project to get under way,” Ms MacTiernan said.

“The waterfront project promises to give new life to the Albany foreshore, bringing it in line with the waterfront lifestyles enjoyed at other tourism hotspots, such as Mandurah and Exmouth.”

LandCorp will spend more than $27.8million to develop a hub of cultural and leisure activities at the waterfront for visitors and Albany community alike.

The development is estimated to provide a significant boost for the region, generating $60million in private investment and up to $400million in economic activity to 2020.

It will also create 115 jobs during construction and more than 800 permanent jobs once complete.

The Minister said the Carpenter Government was making decisions for the future and working to ensure the strong economy delivered jobs and opportunities for all Western Australians.

The waterfront development is proposed to include a hotel and function centre, cafes, restaurants and shops, in addition to a landscaped park to be known as ANZAC Peace Park.

The City of Albany, in conjunction with Department of Housing and Works, is managing the construction of the 620-seat Albany Entertainment Centre for the foreshore.

A secure boat harbour will also be constructed as part of the project providing anchorage for fishing and charter vessels, as well as a 74-pen marina for private vessels.

Local member Peter Watson MLA welcomed the approval, saying the development would be a major achievement for the Albany community.

“This is a major undertaking for Albany that will provide significant environmental, community and economic benefits not just to local residents, but to the wider region,” Mr Watson said.

The pedestrian bridge linking Albany’s central business district and the lower York Street tourist precinct to the waterfront is on track for completion in June.

Stage 1 site works for the waterfront project will focus on the western side of the jetty comprising civil works to install services, construction of a seawall and landscaping and the widening of Princess Royal Drive from York Street to the port.

Stage 2 civil works are expected to start in September this year, with the completion of the land development and marina works scheduled for 2010.

For more information about the Albany Waterfront project, visit http://www.albanywaterfront.com.au/ or call the information line on 1300 730 245

Exciting interactive fisheries education display to open.

Hillarys Boat Harbour is the site for a new world-class public marine education and interpretive centre which was opened today.

The Naturaliste Marine Discovery Centre is the public face of the new $16million Department of Fisheries’ Laboratories, situated at the northern end of the harbour.

Fisheries Minister Jon Ford opened the centre today and said it was a great educational resource for the State’s schools which would help Western Australians of all ages understand the need to preserve WA’s aquatic environment.

“This discovery centre celebrates the amazing variety of marine, river and estuarine life WA has to offer and also reveals the issues, risks and concerns associated with human interaction and climate change,” Mr Ford said.

“Our pristine aquatic environment can be maintained through careful scientific research and management.

“The centre shows the importance of ecologically maintainable development in each of the State’s regions.”

The discovery centre is one of the few facilities in WA to combine a public interpretive and education attraction with a major marine science building. Its centrepiece is an exhibition hall, low-lit with a rich blue ambience to simulate being underwater.

In these atmospheric surroundings, visitors can explore the mysteries of WA’s marine life along the vast 12,500km coastline from the Kimberley to the south coast.

Interactive touch-screen technology and a touch-pool make it a hands-on experience, designed to appeal to children and adults, while numerous wide-screen audio-visual displays show clear and startling underwater vision of the State’s aquatic environment.

A hologram of a great white shark is projected out into the discovery centre’s exhibition hall. In other areas, visitors can experience first-hand the claustrophobic feeling of wearing an old-fashioned pearl diver’s helmet or find out what they weigh - in abalone.

The Minister said the Naturaliste Marine Discovery Centre would increase visitors’ understanding of the State’s aquatic systems by leading them along the Leeuwin Current - one of the world’s major ocean currents.

The journey takes in tropical rivers and mangroves, Ningaloo Reef and the Houtman Abrolhos Islands, before plunging between the pylons below Busselton Jetty and further south into chilly waters of the Southern Ocean.

“Visitors will learn about what fishing and fisheries mean to the culture, lifestyle, economy, history and sense of place of Western Australians; the aquatic ecology and biology of WA’s remarkable Indian Ocean coastline from the continental shelf to coastal estuaries; and the outstanding science behind the management of fisheries in WA,” Mr Ford said.

In addition to the main hall, a visit to the discovery centre provides an opportunity to view in the foyer public art works of marine life created by internationally recognised marine artists Roger Swainston and Pascal Leclerq.

Visitors can also see research scientists at work in four laboratories through public viewing windows and examine live exhibits of WA fish and crustaceans in several indoor aquariums.

Good fun, will drive you nuts.

PB is 44 sec but I am sure that will fall quickly!

http://flash.abunawaf.com/2005/12/game33.swf

One day a nun goes down to the river for a fish and catches a huge one on her new stella 4000 and t-curve tornament combo that she brought from honsu at oceanside! She was very impressed on how it performed on such a large fish! A man sees this and walks over to congratulate the sister. He says " thats a nice gauddam fish there" The sister replies "you shouldnt use gods name in vain like that" " NO thats actually what the species is called" says the man. "oh thankyou then" replies the sister.
When she arrives back at the convent the mother supperior comes over."look at the gauddam fish i caught mother surperior" "You know better than to say that sister" Mother superior replies. "no thats what the species is called" "ok then, ill clean the gauddam fish then" The mother says.

When shes cleaning it the head monk comes over. "look at the gaudamm fish the sister caught" the mother says. "you really should know better to say stuff like that mother superior" " no thats what the species is called" she replies. "well alright give it to me and ill cook the gauddam fish then" says the monk.

That night at tea they all sit down to a beautiful feed of fresh fish and they are greeted by the new priest to run the convent.
The priest says "this looks inpressive" The sister says "i caught the gaudamm fish, the mother superior cleaned the gaudamm fish and the head monk cooked the gauddam fish"
With that the new priest looks around in belief and says "F*%k, i like this place already!"

Have a good easter guys and see you all after the break! Drive safe and keep it tight, reeeeeeel tight.

Hi Guys,

Sorry I haven't been online the last coupla days, been out bush going from Canarvon through to Exmouth. Things are starting to get busy up here with the holiday season about to start. Had some good days fishing before I left with Gully and the boys and also Bouttime (DAMN MARLIN!). Now that I have the internet set up at home I can post up a few pictures of the local action.

Everything is great up here at the moment, the job's tops, the fishing rocks, the girlie is happy and settled in well. I am very happy with the move and we have just ticked off our first month of being here. I'm back in town for 5 days before heading on my next trip down the coast so I'm looking foward to seeing what you guys have been catching and whats been happening over the last week.

Tight lines crew,
Adam

Im pretty cluey on computers,well used to be. But my computer keeps crashing, not sure why. I dont really have the time to try fix it. Anyone work in the IT tech inndusty and want to give it an overhaul ? Will pay $

wondering what everyone uses when they are out beach fishing or even in the city.

i have a fm900 w2 comercial cb radio running a 6db gain whip,

its bloody good set up most nights i can boom through to bundury mandurah and even dunsbrough repeaters.

A man goes down to a well knowen prohibited fishing zone in the swan river to sneek in a fish. He catches 12 nice size black bream! He walks back to the car and puts all his tackle away and comes back down to the shore to get his bucket full of fish. on the way back up hes greeted by Mr fisheries. "have you got a licence to catch those fish" he says. "no sir i havent, but it doesnt matter anyway" says the fisherman. Fisheries man replies "and whys that". "because
these are pet fish, i bring them down every night for a swim then take them home again" says the man. "thats just bullshit, how do you get them to come back" says mr fisheries. "i just whisle and they jump straight back into the bucket" replies the fisherman. "show me" so the guy lets the fish go and they swim off. "so lets see them come back then" says the fisheries officer. "See what come back" the man replies. "the fish" "What fish" replies the fisherman with a smurk on his face.

Until next week this is spess's joke time!

Went to the INXS concert last night, what a performance! Brilliant supporting acts too with Arrested Development and Simple Minds.

The new front man for INXS did a great job and all the the old hits sounds awsome. But I must admit some of their new music doesnt have the same feel to it.

Was absolutely packed and as always good to see no idiots causing greif.

Definately impressed to watch a group of old fellas with INXS and Simple Minds still able to get a crowd going.

James

Anyone no of any good sites to look up used 4x4 eg,landcruisers.